Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
