we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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