Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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