just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
