At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
