you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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