My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
