HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
