They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its about making memories worth repressing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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