I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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