i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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