I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am available for nakedness
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
