Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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