I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
