how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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