I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
