I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
