we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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