im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I want a musical about memes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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