I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
