booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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