I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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