i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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