Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
