Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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