did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize