It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
