i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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