Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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