I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
