Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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