I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
