I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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