I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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