if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize