people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
