im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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