I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
