I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
