My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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