1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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