I want to stick my p in your. b.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As shirtless as possible
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
