i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
