We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
