my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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