is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
