i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
