I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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