That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
