Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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