I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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