I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
