My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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