whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
