Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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