He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
