i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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