What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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