I CAN MOONWALK!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My breasts were aching with rage.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
