Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
