Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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