I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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