i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's official drugs can't kill me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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