I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
