I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
