hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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