I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
